Oct 17, 2013

All along the UFO Watchtower

This blog entry is dedicated to the fake wife, who absolutely insisted I slam on the brakes and stop here on our way out of Colorado. 

And, after a week-long blogging hiatus, the National Security Agency (NSA) may be sending me on a longer hiatus if they’re monitoring my blogging activity.  That’s because I’m about to reveal one of the biggest alien invasion conspiracies you've probably never heard of.  It must be true – the lady running the UFO Watchtower told me about it.  You don’t get sources much more reliable than that. 

The UFO Watchtower is positioned just north of Hooper, Colo., on state Hwy. 17, about 30 minutes south of Crestone, smack in the middle of the San Luis Valley.  The high desert plain just seems like the most appropriate place to spot aliens, doesn't it? 

The Watchtower is the kind of tourist attraction you have to either completely stumble upon or really be looking for.  It rests on private ranch property, the signs for it are small, and the most noticeable signs it exists are the scattered debris you might see from the road or the Flintstones house with a cage and deck over it (that’s the Watchtower directly over the gift shop). 

Fortunately, Christine and her sharp eyes spotted the debris field, so we pulled off the road to check it out.  Here are a few shots of the entrance, for future reference …     

Once you enter, signs direct you down a gravel road toward the site (and away from the ranch).  After you park, you’ll notice a mailbox where you’re supposed to pay your entrance fee of $2 per person or $5 per vehicle.  Let’s face it, that’s a bargain for the entertainment value you’ll get here.  The view atop the Watchtower alone is probably worth $2. 

By the time we got to the entrance of the Flintstones hut, we noticed a pickup truck rolling through the field toward us.  The truck slammed on its brakes, sending dust flying, and a lady and a shaggy dog got out.  Thankfully, it wasn't the Feds, but instead the proprietor coming to greet us and open the shop for us. 

After a brief explanation of the numerous UFO sightings in the San Luis Valley throughout history, we roamed the site for picture-taking opportunities. 

Yeah, we totally look like tourists.  
We were even allowed to roam the debris field with reckless abandon.  The benches were a nice touch, given the vastness of the site.  And who knew UFOs have hubcaps, too? 

Alien spacecraft debris or parts from an old RCA satellite dish ... you be the judge.
Also on site was an altar of sorts where you could leave behind a peace offering to the aliens.  I don’t know if they ever come to collect, but it’s probably worth the price to potentially make them happy.  I found an old packet of Sucrets in the car to drop off here.  I figured aliens sometimes get sore throats, too.  

It's a work in progress ...
Now, about that alien invasion … here’s the deal.  Due east of the UFO Watchtower, as you approach the Sangre de Cristo mountain range, is Great Sand Dunes National Park.  Yes, Colorado is one of the last places you would expect to find sand dunes this size.  But according to expert UFO trackers (and apparently quite a few locals), this impressive geological anomaly is just part of the story. 

That’s because hidden underneath the massive sand dunes is an entire city of aliens from another planet, living in suspended animation and waiting for the right time (and reinforcements) to come out and take over the planet.  I’m not just talking about a few schlubs in space pods, either.  The lady at the UFO Watchtower estimates 6 million of them.  That’s a population 10 times that of Denver taking naps underneath the national park.  Is the government protecting them there?  Perhaps … You certainly can’t prove the aliens aren't there, can you?

You've been forewarned.  

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I just saw a black van pull up, and several well-dressed guys in sunglasses are getting out and coming to my door.  Assuming I’m still allowed to blog, I’ll try to make Kansas sound interesting in my next blog entry.  

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