Finding Fort Mandan and Lewis and Clark’s trail

One of the things I enjoy most about a loosely planned road trip is stopping at points of interest along the way which I either knew very little about or didn’t even know existed beforehand. It didn’t take me long on my drive on U.S. 83 (aka the Road To Nowhere) to make such a stop – just over an hours’ drive south from Minot, N.D., in fact.

The Lewis and Clark Interpretive Center seemed to be a “can’t miss” site on the right side of the road. After all, which historical figures and famous trespassers are more important in North Dakota’s formative history? 

Driving the Road To Nowhere – North Dakota

When it comes to road trips, I’ve lived most of my life by the motto that getting there was half the fun.  In other words, the travel from Point A to Point B can be just as memorable as the destination.  This is especially true when you’re perfectly fine without having a set destination at all. 

That was my thought process when I set out to choose a route for my first solo road trip in many years.  I wanted to go where few others would think to travel.  I also wanted to have a true sense of solitude on the highway, where I could be alone with my thoughts for hours at a time.  So, after a combination of modern-day Google searching and old-school researching good ol’ Rand McNally, I decided to conquer what has been coined by fellow travelers as the “Road To Nowhere” … or at least most of it.

Officially designated as U.S. Highway 83, the Road To Nowhere stretches from the Canadian border just north of Westhope, N.D, to its southern terminus at the Mexican border crossing in Brownsville, Texas.  Yes, there are zigs and zags along the way, but until the route takes an abrupt turn along the Rio Grande at Laredo, it’s a fairly consistent north-south trajectory. 

How it became known as the Road To Nowhere is pretty apparent if you look at the route long enough.  The vast majority of the highway runs through some of the most sparsely populated parts of the country – the heart of the Great Plains and the Texas panhandle.  How few people live there?  Consider this:  The largest city between my starting point at Minot, N.D. and my end point at Laredo, Texas is Abilene, Texas, with roughly 125,000 people.  The distance on U.S. 83 between Minot and Abilene is about 1,240 miles.  In between, there are just five cities with a population greater than 10,000 – Bismarck, N.D. (74,000), Pierre, S.D. (14,000), North Platte, Neb. (24,000), Garden City, Kan, (28,000), and Liberal, Kan. (19,000).  

I chose my jumping on and jumping off points based on the amount of time I had to not just driver the route, but get there and back. 

A commoner drinks (and dines) at Neumann’s Bar, North St. Paul, Minn.

To be a well-traveled commoner, one’s travel research beforehand may come from many different places.  For instance, when I began researching my first solo road trip in many years to drive the length of U.S. 83 (aka “The Road To Nowhere”) from the Great Plains to the Mexican border, I knew I might have to use some unconventional resources to find a few good pitstops on my way to my jumping off point in Minot, N.D. 

Fortunately, I had received a book called “Bucket List Bars” as a gift – a great guide to historic dive bars across the United States.  Within that book, one pub in particular in North St. Paul, Minn., spoke to me due to its historical connections to Hamm’s beer.  So, I knew I couldn’t pass through the Minneapolis-St. Paul area without stopping at Neumann’s Bar.      

Serving since 1887 (yes, even during Prohibition when the “official” drink was “near beer” and the speakeasy upstairs provided other options), Neumann’s was founded for the main purpose of supporting the nearby Hamm’s Brewery.  It was common practice in the 19^th Century for breweries to support or even operate their own saloons to sell their own products.  Good way to cut your distribution costs, no doubt. 

Today, Neumann’s Bar claims to be Minnesota’s oldest continuously operating bar, and I’m extremely happy to report from first-hand experience that their support of Hamm’s beer remains very strong.  

Why Trader Vic’s may be on its last sea legs

"I saw a werewolf drinking a pina colada at Trader Vic’s.  His hair was perfect.” – Warren Zevon, “Werewolves of London” (1978)

When you think of iconic restaurant or bar brands, few have had the longevity or the name recognition of the original “tiki bar”Trader Vic’s.  By offering its patrons enormous tropical cocktails and a fun, South Pacific vibe, Trader Vic’s grew from its origins in California in the 1930s to a worldwide name during the height of tiki bars’ popularity in the 1960s.  Through careful placement in upscale hotels (primarily Hiltons), Trader Vic’s put its Polynesian mark on most major cities in the United States and overseas, with more than 25 worldwide locations at its peak.

Fast forward to Dec. 31, 2022:  After nearly 60 years in business, the Trader Vic’s located in the London Hilton on Park Lane, the one presumably and famously referenced in the Warren Zevon song, closes for good.  Meanwhile, in the United States, only three Trader Vic’s locations remain, and one of those is merely an airport kiosk in San Jose, Calif. 

It can easily be argued that the Trader Vic’s brand is struggling to say the least.  And if my experience at the Trader Vic’s I visited in Atlanta a couple years back is any indication, I think I know why.

Our purpose for staying in Atlanta on this trip was merely to serve as a layover on what amounted to a two-day drive to Orlando, Fla.  Frankly, neither Punky or I had much interest in staying in the heart of Atlanta, but something in particular made us decide to book a night at the Hilton downtown.  To our surprise, it had a Trader Vic’s.  Another classic chain to cross off our bucket list, we thought. 

You can only imagine how quickly the disappointment took over once we actually got there.  For starters, the location of the restaurant did it no favors.  For some reason, this Trader Vic’s was put on the bottom level of the hotel, and access from the main lobby was limited to only or two of about six to eight elevators.  It was a time-consuming endeavor just to reach the place.  Granted, this is more of a design flaw of the hotel, but it doesn’t start the Trader Vic’s experience in Atlanta off on a very positive note.